A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 19)

"The Diet Teaser"

She was a pretty woman; curly red hair that went to her shoulders, brown-green eyes that looked like a rootbeer and sour apple Jelly Belly had been melted together in her eye socket, a smile that showed the glistening venom of guilt. He knew he was in trouble as she turned the corner of his cubicle, a cubicle strategically hidden from the rest of the company so he could surf Variety.com and The Hollywood Reporter.net without prying eyes.

Her hands were behind her back, the way she always held them when she would come in for a sweet kiss. But this time the actor noticed something else...deception. He forgot that it was a co-worker's birthday, a day where pies and sweets were brought in by the devil, also known as Bret, the manager. As she slowly showed the plate of Lemon Cheesecake emerging from her backside, the actor's mind went into overdrive:

- Chocolate Cookie Crust = 100 sit ups
- Lemon meringue = 250 inverted squats
- Whipped Whip Cream = 45 minutes on the treadmill
- Crushed Cashew Nuts = 45 pull ups, 45 push ups, 90 butt clinches

He held the triangular treat to his nose, hoping that the woman had not previously had beans for lunch, and sniffed the sweet aroma of a heart attack. He thought of hours of sweat dripping from the nap of his neck, down his back, past the elastic in his gym shorts, changing his boxers into swim trunks. Would it be worth it?

As he watched the plate hit the bottom of the trash can, the sugar-delight sticking to the sides of the liner, he realized that she was out to get him. The look she gave him through her Jelly Belly irises could not be mistaken. He would make his wife pay.