A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 76)

"Don't Forget A Mug"

The actor sat in his 4x4 cubicle typing away on his 1x2 typewriter wishing he had a 2x4 to knock himself out. He had been thinking about the conversation he had with his wife and realized it was time to check in again with his agent...the one who had yet to call him for any audition at all.

As he got out of his chair and walked towards the lavatory, he did not hear his phone buzzing on his desk. Even if he would have, the thought of answering his phone made him cringe. For someone who hated the phone, he had wondered why he had one in the first place. No one called him except that Newspaper harassing company from Missouri who he had continually avoided. Wasn't he on the "Do Not Call" list?

He returned to his desk and started the mundane work that was his job, forgetting about the phone call he had missed. Just then, his wife popped her head into his cubicle while on the phone. She told the person on the phone, "Here he is" and hands it over. Thinking that those newspaper people finally tracked him down through his wife, he took her phone and said hello.

The actor could not believe his ears. It had been a while since a Q-Tip had seen the inside of his ear canal. His agent was on the other other side of this call with an audition...an audition in just 4 HOURS!!!

He took down the information and, as his wife kissed him and told him how happy she was, he looked down at the information he had jotted down: ESPN Promo, Improv, Brackets, Co-Worker, Casual, Mug, Sunset, 5 PM...

Wait...Mug? Did he write it down wrong? Was it in regards to his face? No, he distinctly remembered his agent saying "Don't forget a mug". Looking around his cubicle, and being the avid coffee drinker he was, he could not find a mug anywhere nearby. He was on a mission: find a mug that says "I deserve to be in an ESPN National Commercial".

It is funny how many coffee mugs are made for women. Not that many for men, unless you want to show how much you like women's breasts or Monster Truck rallies. And finding one without your company logo is almost impossible. After searching for 15 minutes, the actor had found one: brown, masculine, no logo...we had a winner.

Arriving at the audition a half hour early, he signed in and asked the monitor if there were any sides or a storyboard of the promo. No storyboard, just a quick synopsis: "Brackets" is talking about his March Madness bracket game and your character is trying to understand it but doesn't 'get it' and gives a look like "this guy is crazy" and "what is he talking about?". Simple enough. Now, what was the mug for?!?!?!

The actor's name was called and in he went. The room was small. No, very small. No, very tiny. He felt like he was back in his cubicle. The casting director reiterated the scene and told the actor he had a scripted line of "I don't get it". Yay, no improv. Life was looking up. "Action" was said, confusing looks were given, line was delivered, a sip from the mug (Oh, I get it now), "cut" was called, thanks were exchanged and the process was over.

As he walked to the car, he analyzed his performance and felt pretty good about it. He remembers hearing chuckles during the audition and they were where he thought they should be. As he assessed his performance, he noticed that he had been without nerves for the last couple of auditions. Maybe his confidence we getting better. Maybe, just maybe, things were turning around for him.