A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 76)

"Don't Forget A Mug"

The actor sat in his 4x4 cubicle typing away on his 1x2 typewriter wishing he had a 2x4 to knock himself out. He had been thinking about the conversation he had with his wife and realized it was time to check in again with his agent...the one who had yet to call him for any audition at all.

As he got out of his chair and walked towards the lavatory, he did not hear his phone buzzing on his desk. Even if he would have, the thought of answering his phone made him cringe. For someone who hated the phone, he had wondered why he had one in the first place. No one called him except that Newspaper harassing company from Missouri who he had continually avoided. Wasn't he on the "Do Not Call" list?

He returned to his desk and started the mundane work that was his job, forgetting about the phone call he had missed. Just then, his wife popped her head into his cubicle while on the phone. She told the person on the phone, "Here he is" and hands it over. Thinking that those newspaper people finally tracked him down through his wife, he took her phone and said hello.

The actor could not believe his ears. It had been a while since a Q-Tip had seen the inside of his ear canal. His agent was on the other other side of this call with an audition...an audition in just 4 HOURS!!!

He took down the information and, as his wife kissed him and told him how happy she was, he looked down at the information he had jotted down: ESPN Promo, Improv, Brackets, Co-Worker, Casual, Mug, Sunset, 5 PM...

Wait...Mug? Did he write it down wrong? Was it in regards to his face? No, he distinctly remembered his agent saying "Don't forget a mug". Looking around his cubicle, and being the avid coffee drinker he was, he could not find a mug anywhere nearby. He was on a mission: find a mug that says "I deserve to be in an ESPN National Commercial".

It is funny how many coffee mugs are made for women. Not that many for men, unless you want to show how much you like women's breasts or Monster Truck rallies. And finding one without your company logo is almost impossible. After searching for 15 minutes, the actor had found one: brown, masculine, no logo...we had a winner.

Arriving at the audition a half hour early, he signed in and asked the monitor if there were any sides or a storyboard of the promo. No storyboard, just a quick synopsis: "Brackets" is talking about his March Madness bracket game and your character is trying to understand it but doesn't 'get it' and gives a look like "this guy is crazy" and "what is he talking about?". Simple enough. Now, what was the mug for?!?!?!

The actor's name was called and in he went. The room was small. No, very small. No, very tiny. He felt like he was back in his cubicle. The casting director reiterated the scene and told the actor he had a scripted line of "I don't get it". Yay, no improv. Life was looking up. "Action" was said, confusing looks were given, line was delivered, a sip from the mug (Oh, I get it now), "cut" was called, thanks were exchanged and the process was over.

As he walked to the car, he analyzed his performance and felt pretty good about it. He remembers hearing chuckles during the audition and they were where he thought they should be. As he assessed his performance, he noticed that he had been without nerves for the last couple of auditions. Maybe his confidence we getting better. Maybe, just maybe, things were turning around for him.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 74)

It Only Rains When Urinetown

Project - Musical Theater "Urinetown"
Location - Morgan Wixson Theater
Role - Lockstock
Aquired - Facebook

Yesterday was the day that my wife had been waiting for...the auditions for "Urinetown - The Musical". She has been wanting to play Little Sally, and knowing the show, she would be great for it.

I have seen the show and am a fan. After my wife's audition yesterday, I decided that the character of Lockstock was something that might be fun. I came home, found two contrasting songs (one comedic and one sentimental) and felt good enough about how they sounded (or how I sounded singing them) that we would return today. Let's see if I could book my second musical theater show.

After leaving the we traveled west on I-10 through the rain-soaked freeway to Morgan Wixson Theater. Unfortunately, it was only 2:30 PM and we were about 2 hours early so we drove into Santa Monica and past the Third Street Promenade. As we passed the pedestrians who were without umbrellas, it crossed my mind that these people will have the H1N1 virus in no time.

We turned the car around and got back to the theater by 4:00 PM. There was only one more hour before the auditions, so we sat in the car and played Yahtzee on her iPhone. She lost. I thought to myself, "Maybe we should head in now".

Entering the theater, we were the first one's to arrive. I signed in (#41, which means 40 auditioners yesterday...good turn out) and paced back and forth as more people showed up and signed in.

5 PM turned into 5:05, then 5:10, then 5:15. We were told the pianist was late and he was stuck on the 405. Finally, at 5:20 I heard my name and walked through the curtain. There, in the audience, were four ladies sitting behind the table...the director, the musical director, the choreographer and someone else, no less important though. I greeted them all, walked on-stage and handed my music to the pianist.

After explaining that my first song changed tempo halfway through , giving him the new tempo and acknowledging his acknowledgement, I walked back to center stage and started to sing. It started out smoothly, then we got to the tempo change...

Where was it? Didn't I tell him to go a little faster? Maybe he was and I had an inner ear infection that caused everything to go in slow motion. As I dragged myself through the rest of the song to a beat that would put anyone to sleep, I did my best to do everything I had practiced the night before...look at my watch, twitch my eye, laugh a little here...why was it taking so long?
When the end of my song had crawled it's way to finality, I heard a little chuckle from the table. A little chuckle is good, I thought. At least someone stayed awake.

YAY, my comedic song was over, now for the ballad. I walked back to the pianist with a smile on my face and gave him the tempo for the second song, thanking the Gods above that there was no change in the speed of the song.

Back to center stage and away I went...as well as my focus. My eyes were jetting back and forth, left and right on the back wall. In the song, I am singing to my wife who, I can only assume to the women at the table, looked like she was running to and fro in the back row looking for a way out of the theater and my audition.

I collected my music, thanked the lovely ladies and exited through the curtain back into the lobby. There were not that many additions of auditioners from when I went in, but the rain was coming down pretty steady now, so I assume the serious actors were already here. I was not told about callbacks (when they were or if I even had one), but I know they are tomorrow. It is now 12:13 AM tomorrow as I type this line and there is not a message in my inbox or one on my phone as of yet. I would not be surprised if nothing has changed when I awake in the morning.

What did I learn:

• I need to decide to either start taking singing lessons or stop auditioning for musicals.
• I need to really plan my time better and not arrive to auditions TOO early.
• Find ways to cope with the unpredictability in auditions better.
• Carry an umbrella if the forecast is for rain.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 73)

Another USC Audition - And Counting

In the wake of the worst rain storm California has seen since El Nino in the '90's, I was lucky enough to have a couple of auditions:

Project - USC Film "Time and Time Again"
Location - Carson Building (USC)
Role - Norman
Aquired - Actor's Access

I have been submitting on Actor's Access for a while with no hits. I average about 4 submissions a day, but the system is set up for the actor to be pretty passive once they have submitted. So, to my surprise, I was called last night around 9:58 PM for an audition today.

I looked over the submission before I called the director back to see when I submitted and it was from earlier that day (with a submission deadline of 10 PM). The character was right up my alley; nerdy Theoretical Physicist who can not have a good date to save his life. Since this was me up until my early 20's, I knew this character.

I called the director and found out that he was having issues with his computer but assured me I would have the sides in just a few moments. He also told me auditions were from Noon to 4 PM and he could see me at 2:45. I asked for an earlier time and he told me he could squeeze me in at 1:50 and I took it. It was good to hear that there were a lot of actors being considered.

Cut to this morning and no email from the director; no sides, no directions, no nothing. Not a good sign. I called him back to make sure that he had not sent them and he was still experiencing computer problems. YAY!! He promised me it was on its way and it arrived shortly after.

Printing the sides and taking them to Express Lube while my car got an oil change, I realized that it was a really cute scene and character, I decided to go. Rain be damned, I was going to go. I did come out here to act, didn't I?

I got to the Carson building and walked up the stairs to the small waiting room with one chair outside a closed door. Here is the good thing about arriving early at a USC audition - their doors are very thin.

After listening to the director give the actor inside the room some direction, I realized that the choices I had made were pretty much on the button. The actor inside the room finished, gave the director his conflicts (many conflicts), and exited.

I was called into the small room, and there was only the director and the reader. There was no camera, which I was happy about since I still don't know if I play to the director in the middle of the room, the reader off to one side or the camera that is so far to the other side of the room that there is no way it can see me. No worry about that today, though.

The reader, surprisingly, was very good. I did what I planned (taking into consideration the direction I had just heard through the door) and was happy. Through my peripheral vision, I could see the director placing his hands over his mouth, and when I finished laughed a belly laugh. It felt really good.

After giving me direction (he admitted that he just wanted to try something different, I knew it was just to see if I could take direction), he shook my hand and I left. There was no one outside when I left so I have no idea how many actors took the time to come to a USC Film in the rain with one day notice and 4 hours with the sides. This is when I am thankful of the actors who are not serious out here.

What did I learn:

• Don't be a passive actor. If you are told you will get additional information and don't, don't assume anything.


• Don't think you need days with a script to think you will do a good job. Take the time you are given and use it to your advantage.


• There are so many 'actors' out here that do not want to act...don't be one of them!

And this was not the only audition I had today...read the next blog...