A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 49)

Trying To Get "On The Lot"

A director friend of mine informed me of a reality competition that is going to be on FOX as a Mid-Season replacement show called "On The Lot". The concept:

"Pit undiscovered filmmakers against one another as they attempt to win a studio development deal at Paramount-based DreamWorks. Sixteen contestants will be split into four teams and given the resources to produce a short film. Each week will focus on a different genre, including comedy, thriller, drama, romance and sci-fi.

For each film, teams will pick a leader to serve as a director. On the first episode of the week -- tagged the "Film Premiere" -- a panel of judges (including a studio exec and a film critic) will critique the shorts in front of a live studio audience, with viewers ultimately voting for their favorite.

Results will be revealed on the next night's half-hour "Box Office" episode, and the losing short's director will be eliminated. Burnett and Spielberg have built in the possibility that an eliminated director can make a comeback at some point in the show.

Competition will continue until there are just two wannabe helmers left. They'll have to work individually to score the ultimate prize: a meeting with Spielberg and a new office at DreamWorks' HQ, along with a "healthy discretionary fund." - Variety.com

I have decided to submit "The Adventures of Mapboy". And, I am going to need all of your help. If you go to http://www.onthelot.com/ and search for "Mapboy" towards the end of January, you will be able to see my film (and for some of you it will be the first time) and vote from one to five stars. Even if you don't think it is worthy of five stars...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give it five. I would love to see what happens with this. And, if you could pass it on to your friends to vote, too, that would be great.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 48)

When Will I Learn???

Just before Robin and I left for our 9 day jaunt away from the prying eyes our bosses (well, my new boss, but that is another blog for the New Year), our company held a raffle for box seats at the Staples Center for the "Dancing With The Stars" tour. Robin and I didn't win the 4 tickets that were raffled off and it stung, being that we watched Season's One and Three (we felt we needed to stop watching so much TV during the second season). We were then notified that there were going to be two additional tickets that were going to be sent to our Media VP. Another raffle was held and yours truly was picked (well, it could have been yours truly's wife since they put both of our names on the same raffle ticket). We could not wait for 7:30 on December 28th to arrive.

That afternoon, at 5:31 PM (29 minutes before we were on our way to see the stars of dancing), we received an email from Kathy Kay, the director of The Victoria International Film Festival in Canada. We had been patiently waiting to hear from them since we have visited Victoria and loved that city. We clicked open and read the email:

December 28, 2006

Dear Sean Spence:

We are very sorry to inform you that we at The Victoria Independent Film and Video Festival are unable to screen your film "LUCIDITY" this year. We have been filmmakers ourselves and know how disappointing it can be to get a letter like this. Although you may have heard this from other festivals, it is true: we simply do receive more films than we have screen time so tough decisions had to be made.

However, we did appreciate the opportunity to view your work and consider it for our 2007 festival. We hope that you will carry on making movies because we see a lot of promise in your work. We'll definitely keep your contact information in our database and an entry form for 2008 will be sent to you in the summer of 2007.

We wish you all the best,

Kathy Kay Director VIFVF

This was not the way I wanted to start off my evening, but over the past couple of rejections, the sting is getting less and less. I think when we get accepted into our next one, it will be such a shock that I might even forget to blog about it, although I doubt it. Oh well, off to see Mario Lopez, Emmit Smith, Jerry Springer and the rest for an evening of ballroom dancing.

We arrived at the Staples Center and stepped into our room up in the box seat section. It was a great feeling to feel like we were important, or like we won a raffle or something along those lines. We shared the box seats with 5 other couples (2 of those from 1-800-DENTIST) and waited for the lights to dim. Then the "Dancing With The Stars" came out: Harry Hamlin, Joey McIntyre, Joey Lawrence, Drew Lachey and Lisa Renna. Where was Emmit? Where was Mario? Where were all the people who I wanted to see?

All in all, it was an alright show. Since Harry and Lisa are married and they never danced together on the show (Lisa was on season 2 and Harry, season 3), they danced the waltz together and it was very sweet. There were also some company dancers that really knew there stuff and added that level of difficulty that the stars couldn't bring because of the book signings and premieres they had to attend instead of learning the dances for the tour. We decided after seeing the Rumba four times, we had pretty much seen what the rest of the show was going to be, so we left after 15 minutes into the second act.

I don't know if I didn't enjoy the show because of the email we received just before we left or not. Nah, it was probably the show.

Funniest SNL Parody EVER

Robin and I are big fans of SNL and this past week Justin Timberlake was on. Close to the Midnight hour, there was a parody of a music video that came on and I could not stop laughing. It is simi-offensive so please do not click play if you think you will be offended by a little bathroom humor. If you are not, sit back and enjoy.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 47)

An Actor's Job Is Never Done

You would think that I would have enough to do with trying to get my acting career off the ground without having to add more stuff to my plate, like writing scenes for my acting class (not to mention taking acting class), writing more short film scripts, trying to find an agent, submitting my short film to festivals, taking actor's headshots, blah, blah, blah...

I was looking over a website called Backstage, which is solely for actors where they have stories that are relevant to the actor, as well as audition notices. After looking over all the students filmmakers who where looking for that "male, 20's, abs of steel", I went back to the home page and noticed that the company was looking for actors to blog about any and all experiences they might have had while trying to make it in the film industry. I cut and pasted a couple of my blogs that pertained to my plight here in Los Angeles from this very site (as well as a couple of new blogs) and emailed it to the person who was looking for new help. I immediately got a call (and I am not kidding when I say it was about 5 minutes later) from Tom who told me that my blogs were good except 1) Take out all the photos and 2) Don't make them longer than 500 words. Yeah, like that was possible.

After cutting out most of the words to the proper length and all the photos that day, I sent it back to Tom, where he called me back within another 5 minutes (I started to think this guy had no life, or really needed to find some busy work). He liked them but wanted to run them by his editor. That was on Monday of last week.

Just now, I received a call from Tom saying they are interested in my writing for the online magazine. It won't start till the end of January but they definitely would like to have my writings on their website for other actors to read and learn from. And here is the kicker: they are going to pay me...for something I already do anyway. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!!

I am not sure how much time I am going to have in regards to my diary blog you are reading right now. They told me they would like 3 blogs a week minimum once I start. I will try to keep these up since these will be more personal experiences about auditions and such, where as I think the one I will be writing for Backstage will be more of a general experience. I will keep all of you informed about when my first one is actually up on the site, and any ideas you might want to hear my opinions on would be more than welcome. I think it might be hard to have 3 acting experiences a week (but here is hoping I do).

Is This The 'New Math' I Keep Hearing About?

I occationally search other blogs looking for tiny tidbits that amuse me. Every once in a while, I do run across one that is just so clever I have to share. As you all know, I love numbers. Here is a test I found on another blog that shows just how easy math can be when you apply it to something relevent. Enjoy.


CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________ Crib _________________

1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?

2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?

4. Darius wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?

5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

6. LeRoy got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?

9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Joe's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 46)

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I was lucky enough to look over some photos and resumes this morning of actors who were called in to audition for a non-union commercial. I thought it would be interesting to see what people who call themselves casting directors write on the resumes while the actor is pouring their heart out to be cast. I obviously knew there were going to be some that mentioned looks - "beautiful", "nice smile", "great teeth" - however, I noticed that none of the hand-written comments on any of the resumes I saw had anything to do with the actor's actual talent. Not once did I read "very talented" or "great delivery" or "good comic timing". Nope, everything had to do with looks, and talent was not even considered.

The more comments I read, the more disgusted I became:
"Big Forehead"
"Vulcan Ears"
"Huge Pores"
"Gummy Teeth"
"Would look better with a facelift"
"’J. Lo looks’ with third-degree burns"

Okay, so those last two I didn't read, but that is not saying they weren't in that stack of photos and I just hadn't got to them yet. Now, in all fairness, this was a company and the ‘casting director’ is actually the assistant to the CEO. But, I am not sure that comments like this are out of the norm. A fly on the wall of any casting session could hear the same comments being said. Here is where I have a problem with this industry...if you don't care how talented your 'actors' are in your commercials, then why do you waste our time by calling us in? Why not just cast it from the photos you receive?

Yes, sex sells and everyone enjoys looking at a pretty face, but I hate the fact that this criteria supersedes all others for casting commercials, as well as most TV. I understand the need to want attractive people on the screen (who would want to buy contacts from Marty Feldman or toothpaste from Steve Buscemi?), and by all means, I am not saying don’t call these 'beautiful people' in, but once the actor walks in the door the level of talent and professionalism should be the foremost criteria. And, based on what was handwritten by the 'casting director' on the resumes, I don't know how any client can think the final product is going to be any good...but hey, at least the actors 'looked' good, right?

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

It has been 38 years since my last confession...I think it is because I am not catholic.

I know this might not be appropriate at this time of year, being that I really want that PlayStation 3 and all, but did you ever wonder why the two people associated with Christmas don't really look like they should share the same day? Let's face it, I think Jesus had the right idea with bread and wine over your cookies and milk. I mean, look at him; he is pretty ripped in all the 'photos' I've seen. You...not so much. Sure, milk is good for your bones and wine is good for your blood, but COOKIES!!! I can only assume Jesus was breaking whole wheat or rye. You think when you started this whole 'gift giving' process, that would have been something you might have considered. I don't know, maybe you didn't think it was going to catch on and your diet of Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Swirls would only be a phase.

Here is another question I have...You have rosy cheeks and a cherry nose, yet Jesus is the one drinking. How does that happen? Now either you are starting off the night lit like a brush fire, or Jesus had one heck of a tolerance for the hard stuff. Look, I have had my intake of Whole Milk, Skim Milk, Soy Milk, Almond Milk, Rice Milk, Condensed Milk, Evaporated Milk, Reduced Fat and Non-Fat Milk, but they have never made me drunk enough to break into people's homes. And, I can only assume that you are pretty much soused because most people have DOORS to enter their homes. What sober person would think the chimney is the best way to break in? And then, not only don't you take anything, but you decided it would be a great way to Punk people if you started leaving stuff behind?!?!?!

And what made you think you really needed a 'catch phrase'? "Ho, Ho, Ho" has got to be the lamest one I have ever heard. Just so you know, only superheroes are allowed to have 'catch phrases'. "Up, up and away", "To the Batmobile", "It's Clobberin' Time"..."Ho, Ho, Ho"? At least Jesus was smart enough to not have one. And, if he did, I'm sure it would have been a cool one like "Not the face!" or "I'll show you, Dad!"

Look, all I am saying is I think you should have thought out this whole Christmas thing a little more. I think if you would have sat down with a group of your friends at dinner, you might have been able to bounce some ideas off of each other. It worked for Jesus.

Thanks, and I will leave the front door unlocked this year.

Sean