A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 45)
The One-Two Punch
Recently, I have decided that waiting 7 months to hear from my agent might be a sign that they are not working for me. I mean, yes, I haven't really called them either, so I guess I am to blame, too. However, I knew when I signed up with them that the fact they had the headshots of their models all over their walls (and me not being a model), this might not be the right agent for me. Hey, when you are desperate you will do anything.
For the past 3 weeks I have been trying to come up with a cover letter that might stand out from the thousands of other actors who would be submitting to the same agencies. I just needed that one agency to read my cover letter and say, "Yes, this is the one we have been waiting for." I have been pounding out one right after the other and showing them to my acting coach who said I could use his name and has been giving me feedback on them. My first one went:
Dear Mr. Agent,
Couple of things:
1. Brian Reise has been kind enough to allow me to use him as an industry referral while seeking representation across the board.
2. Do you think that Jack, Kate, Sawyer and the rest of the "Lost" survivors are in some alternate universe or it is all just a bad dream, like the "Newhart" finale?
3. I am a talented, hard-working actor who just needs to get in the door of casting directors.
4. Is Weird Al's "White and Nerdy" seriously better than Camillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty"? I would argue "yes"!!!
5. Do you really think Pope Benedict XVI was the best choice to succeed John Paul II? I thought the obvious choice was Pope Pius XIII , the Party Pope of Passau.
6. Most importantly...the Brian Reise thing from above.
If you feel like conversing about any of the above topics, or need that talented, hard-working actor to fill out your roster, please call me. I am also well versed on Bon Jovi (the band), Survivor (not the band), 24 (the number and the show), Boston Legal, Heroes, Stephen King, The Office, Studio 60, and Grey's Anatomy.
Have a great day.
PS If the receptionist is reading this, you look beautiful today.
My teacher told me that it looked too much like the other 'cover letters' that are coming across their desks. They would not even read it because it looked too much like a business letter.
Check. Let's try this:
TITLE
"The Industry Referral"
FADE IN
INT APARTMENT DEN
SEAN SPENCE (30's) sits at his computer ready to type. As his brow furrows, thoughts run through his head: should this be a funny letter, or maybe he should show his creative side. Thoughts of tearing up his headshot and sending one piece at a time to the prospective agents seemed too "psychotic". His fingers touch the keyboard and don't move. This must be "The Wall" Pink Floyd talked about. He gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
INT APARTMENT KITCHEN
Sean opens the refrigerator door and sees...chicken. Was his 'fridge trying to tell him something? Was he afraid to take a chance and not send the generic "form" letter that every actor over the past 50+ years has mailed in hopes of representation across the board? Was he tentative to put himself out there to be judged again? No, it was just one- day old chicken that he would devour when the letter was stamped and in the mail. He shuts the refrigerator with nothing in his hand, knowing that he must knock down this Pink "Wall" that Floyd had conveniently put on his computer screen before his appetite would kick in.
INT APARTMENT DEN
Sean sits back down at his desk. He thinks of what words he should start with... "Movie Credits?" "Television Credits?" "Training?" Sure, he thought, he could mention the short film he starred in that screened at the 2006 LA Shorts and the 2006 Portland Intl. Short Festival...he could mentions his extensive theater background here in Los Angeles...he could even mention his training with BRIAN REISE (ageless) over the past 8 months. Then he remembered...he had asked Brian if he could use his name to get in the door at some of the agencies. Sean then realized that he could never pass as Brian, but maybe the sheer mention of his name might just be enough. Brian told Sean it was alright, and Sean decided this would be the road he would take.
INT APARTMENT DEN - LATER
Sean's fingers stop typing. This was it - this was the letter. He reaches for a manilla envelope, inserts the cover letter with a headshot, closes the top, clasps it, puts a 63 cent stamp on the top right corner and places the envelope next to his incoming mail he has yet to read. Then he notices the voter booklet laying there. As he picks it up and begins to read, his brow furrows...
FADE OUT
"Too Wordy"
Check. Let's try:
Dear Mr. Agent,
Ask yourself: Do you have a talented, hard-working, dedicated, self-motivated, creative actor in his 30's on your roster?
Sure, but does he have a dry sense of humor with a dramatic edge, a small bout of dyslexia and a spelling problem?
Then I'm man your. Don't believe me, just call BrianReese Rice Rese Reise (323-xxx-xx93).
Sean
PS Why are you still reading this? Phone up the pick and callBrain Brian.
"Too Smart"
Seriously? Well, what about:
"GIVE A MAN A FISH"
FADE IN
SEAN SPENCE (30's) sits at his desk about to write his cover letter to the agent. His red beta FISH (3 months old) stares at him through the glass bowl.
SEAN
What?
FISH
Bloop.
SEAN
(getting closer to the bowl)
Are you looking at me? Are you
looking at me?
Sean looks behind him. The fish keeps staring.
SEAN
I'm losing it. Fish can't talk. Like
a fish is going to give good agent
advice.
The fish keeps staring.
Beat.
SEAN
(breaking down crying)
WHY? Why do you taunt me so?
Damn you...damn you back to the
big blue ocean from whence you
came.
The fish flinches in the bowl. He blows a BUBBLE then floats on his side.
SEAN
Don't turn your back on me! Hey, I'm
TALKING to you. Oh, you want to play
it like that? I'll show you...you'll see.
YOU'LL SEE, FISH!!!
The fish floats motionless at the top of the bowl as Sean begins to type maniacally - "Dear Agent, Brian Reise suggested writing you about possible representation..."
FADE OUT
ROLL CREDITS
Sean Spence SAG
Contact Number: 818-xxx-xx46
END CREDITS
"Too Something. Let me show you what I am talking about"
My teacher pulls out of his desk 'cover letters' that his students sent out where the agencies contacted him to say they were really impressed by them and thought they were 'out of the box' thinking. However, they were more like flyers. One he showed me had an ear of corn as a background (the actress was from Iowa) and on every leaf were descriptions of her, like "home grown", "well-rooted", etc. another was an actor who was wearing a cowboy hat and made his 'letter' look like a Wanted Poster. Well, not wanting to copy any of those ideas, I started beating my head up against the wall to try and come up with something original. I was completely lost. Wait a minute...lost...yes.
How about:
Recently, I have decided that waiting 7 months to hear from my agent might be a sign that they are not working for me. I mean, yes, I haven't really called them either, so I guess I am to blame, too. However, I knew when I signed up with them that the fact they had the headshots of their models all over their walls (and me not being a model), this might not be the right agent for me. Hey, when you are desperate you will do anything.
For the past 3 weeks I have been trying to come up with a cover letter that might stand out from the thousands of other actors who would be submitting to the same agencies. I just needed that one agency to read my cover letter and say, "Yes, this is the one we have been waiting for." I have been pounding out one right after the other and showing them to my acting coach who said I could use his name and has been giving me feedback on them. My first one went:
Dear Mr. Agent,
Couple of things:
1. Brian Reise has been kind enough to allow me to use him as an industry referral while seeking representation across the board.
2. Do you think that Jack, Kate, Sawyer and the rest of the "Lost" survivors are in some alternate universe or it is all just a bad dream, like the "Newhart" finale?
3. I am a talented, hard-working actor who just needs to get in the door of casting directors.
4. Is Weird Al's "White and Nerdy" seriously better than Camillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty"? I would argue "yes"!!!
5. Do you really think Pope Benedict XVI was the best choice to succeed John Paul II? I thought the obvious choice was Pope Pius XIII , the Party Pope of Passau.
6. Most importantly...the Brian Reise thing from above.
If you feel like conversing about any of the above topics, or need that talented, hard-working actor to fill out your roster, please call me. I am also well versed on Bon Jovi (the band), Survivor (not the band), 24 (the number and the show), Boston Legal, Heroes, Stephen King, The Office, Studio 60, and Grey's Anatomy.
Have a great day.
PS If the receptionist is reading this, you look beautiful today.
My teacher told me that it looked too much like the other 'cover letters' that are coming across their desks. They would not even read it because it looked too much like a business letter.
Check. Let's try this:
TITLE
"The Industry Referral"
FADE IN
INT APARTMENT DEN
SEAN SPENCE (30's) sits at his computer ready to type. As his brow furrows, thoughts run through his head: should this be a funny letter, or maybe he should show his creative side. Thoughts of tearing up his headshot and sending one piece at a time to the prospective agents seemed too "psychotic". His fingers touch the keyboard and don't move. This must be "The Wall" Pink Floyd talked about. He gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
INT APARTMENT KITCHEN
Sean opens the refrigerator door and sees...chicken. Was his 'fridge trying to tell him something? Was he afraid to take a chance and not send the generic "form" letter that every actor over the past 50+ years has mailed in hopes of representation across the board? Was he tentative to put himself out there to be judged again? No, it was just one- day old chicken that he would devour when the letter was stamped and in the mail. He shuts the refrigerator with nothing in his hand, knowing that he must knock down this Pink "Wall" that Floyd had conveniently put on his computer screen before his appetite would kick in.
INT APARTMENT DEN
Sean sits back down at his desk. He thinks of what words he should start with... "Movie Credits?" "Television Credits?" "Training?" Sure, he thought, he could mention the short film he starred in that screened at the 2006 LA Shorts and the 2006 Portland Intl. Short Festival...he could mentions his extensive theater background here in Los Angeles...he could even mention his training with BRIAN REISE (ageless) over the past 8 months. Then he remembered...he had asked Brian if he could use his name to get in the door at some of the agencies. Sean then realized that he could never pass as Brian, but maybe the sheer mention of his name might just be enough. Brian told Sean it was alright, and Sean decided this would be the road he would take.
INT APARTMENT DEN - LATER
Sean's fingers stop typing. This was it - this was the letter. He reaches for a manilla envelope, inserts the cover letter with a headshot, closes the top, clasps it, puts a 63 cent stamp on the top right corner and places the envelope next to his incoming mail he has yet to read. Then he notices the voter booklet laying there. As he picks it up and begins to read, his brow furrows...
FADE OUT
"Too Wordy"
Check. Let's try:
Dear Mr. Agent,
Ask yourself: Do you have a talented, hard-working, dedicated, self-motivated, creative actor in his 30's on your roster?
Sure, but does he have a dry sense of humor with a dramatic edge, a small bout of dyslexia and a spelling problem?
Then I'm man your. Don't believe me, just call Brian
Sean
PS Why are you still reading this? Phone up the pick and call
"Too Smart"
Seriously? Well, what about:
"GIVE A MAN A FISH"
FADE IN
SEAN SPENCE (30's) sits at his desk about to write his cover letter to the agent. His red beta FISH (3 months old) stares at him through the glass bowl.
SEAN
What?
FISH
Bloop.
SEAN
(getting closer to the bowl)
Are you looking at me? Are you
looking at me?
Sean looks behind him. The fish keeps staring.
SEAN
I'm losing it. Fish can't talk. Like
a fish is going to give good agent
advice.
The fish keeps staring.
Beat.
SEAN
(breaking down crying)
WHY? Why do you taunt me so?
Damn you...damn you back to the
big blue ocean from whence you
came.
The fish flinches in the bowl. He blows a BUBBLE then floats on his side.
SEAN
Don't turn your back on me! Hey, I'm
TALKING to you. Oh, you want to play
it like that? I'll show you...you'll see.
YOU'LL SEE, FISH!!!
The fish floats motionless at the top of the bowl as Sean begins to type maniacally - "Dear Agent, Brian Reise suggested writing you about possible representation..."
FADE OUT
ROLL CREDITS
Sean Spence SAG
Contact Number: 818-xxx-xx46
END CREDITS
"Too Something. Let me show you what I am talking about"
My teacher pulls out of his desk 'cover letters' that his students sent out where the agencies contacted him to say they were really impressed by them and thought they were 'out of the box' thinking. However, they were more like flyers. One he showed me had an ear of corn as a background (the actress was from Iowa) and on every leaf were descriptions of her, like "home grown", "well-rooted", etc. another was an actor who was wearing a cowboy hat and made his 'letter' look like a Wanted Poster. Well, not wanting to copy any of those ideas, I started beating my head up against the wall to try and come up with something original. I was completely lost. Wait a minute...lost...yes.
How about:
"Too Doggie" - whatever that means. Well, I could go back and forth for months and never send to any agencies because my cover letter didn't sound right. So I decided to use the "Lost" poster and see what happens. I mailed out 16 on Tuesday and 14 yesterday.
Today at 5 PM, I got a call from a great agency called The House of Representatives. They left a message on my voicemail to tell me they got my submission but they are not looking for anyone right now. Let's hope that the other 29 agencies get the joke.
After that news, I headed to acting class. Afterwards, I called up Robin and she informed me that Slamdance, one of the festivals that I submitted "Lucidity" to, wrote me to tell me they regreted they were not able to use my film this year.
As I sit here, I am not upset. I know that something good is going to happen to either Robin or myself this year regarding this industry. I have to believe that perserverance will pay off at some point, and when that opportunity does come knocking on my door, I will be ready.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home