A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 53)

"Bit Parts" Finally Released

I just found out that a film I shot 5 years ago is FINALLY going to be released on February 13th, just in time to give it as a Valentine's Day gift to that one you love (Robin, don't read this if you want to be surprised).

The movie is called "Bit Parts" and that is exactly what I play in it. My character is only in the film for about 3 minutes...I play the friend of a friend of a friend of the main character. Hollywood, here I come!!!

The description of the film reads on Amazon.com: "Needing to replace the mangled features of his daughter Maggie, deranged plastic surgeon Dr. Cranston places ads in L.A. papers looking for actresses with "perfect" noses, eyes, breasts, etc. for an alleged film audition. When a young starlet, Melissa, disappears after answering the ad, her sister Brenda heads to L.A. to find her, only to discover that Melissa is in more trouble than she realized." When I shot it, I thought it was about a girl and her puppy who pick flowers to give to retired angels...now that I think about it, my character sketch was WAY off.

Anyway, if you want to see a Horror/Comedy film (a "Hormedy"), check it out.

The Freaks Come Out At Night

I hate the rain, and let me tell you why...because I own a dog.

I have to take my dog out every night before I go to bed. Not by choice, but because my wife feels that the dog can't go 15+ hours without relieving his bladder. So begins the ritual of putting on my coat and shoes, grabbing a bag, leashing the dog and heading out into the night. On those lucky nights, like tonight, the rain is falling, changing this from a simple outing to an adventure.

Max, my 8 year old Lab, loves the smells of the outside. I don't think there is a blade of grass that he has not enjoyed the aroma of or a tree that he has not whiffed the sap. While he walks me to the next tree, I hear it...

Crunch.

What was that? I don't think the sidewalk is supposed to make any noise. Maybe it was just my imag...

Crunch.

Who's out there? Show yourself!!!. I take a couple of more steps...

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

I look over at Max who is enjoying the bush up against the apartment building to my left. Was he eating something? No, the noise was closer than that. It was almost as if it was right beneath my feet. As I look down at the spotted sidewalk in front of me, I notice it is moving. Not the sidewalk but the spots...slowly moving across my path. They were back.

The snails were the size of VW Bugs, not the old ones made in Mexico but the new ones with the dome top and beading headlights, and they were everywhere. I tried to avoid them but with every step, heaven was becoming more crowded. I felt my knees get weaker and weaker with every placement of my foot until I couldn't take the sound any more. I stopped in my tracks and tried to grab my composure. I peered over at Max who had the look of a desperate child grabbing himself so they don't make an accident in their Gungaroos. I had to help him find the perfect tree and now. I had to step up to the challenge, walk this landmine field of snails and get back home before my wife called the cops and reported us missing.

I mustered up all the courage I had and took my first step. No noise. I could do this. Step. Silence. Step. Silence. I WAS DOING IT...as I got underneath the street light, I looked down and realized that I was avoiding falling leafs. Where were the snails? Why are they toying with me. As I started to laugh and cry at the same time, Max finally found the spruce that best suited him tonight. As he finished, I decided that this was a game that I was going to win. I dared the kamikaze snails to commit what could only be called their last mission for their country. I turned and walked back from whence I came, not straying from my path back home.

As I got back to my front door, I didn't know if it was sweat on my brow or the beads of rain falling from the sky. I think it might have been the tears of God crying at all of his creatures that I unsuccessfully missed while avoiding leaves and dirt marks on the sidewalk. I unleashed the dog, let him inside and looked back at the destruction I had caused...the shells, the slime...I knew it was going to be a long night, lying in bed waiting for the morning when I would do my snail-dance on the sidewalk again.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 52)

B-I-N-Go...Bears!!!

The actor finally received the call..."We would like you to audition for our short film."

Was he hearing this right? He has been submitting like crazy for months with no response. Was it his new headshot? Was the word out that maybe he was getting to old for this? Was that hangnail ever going to stop hurting? The jury had been out for a while but finally came back with a verdict - "not guilty" on all counts. As he wiped his brow, he wondered just when the hangnail pain would subside.

Jackie, the producer of the short film "Life Bingo", informed the actor that auditions were on Sunday, January 14th at 1:00 PM. "Sure, I can be there" the actor said, not realizing that the playoffs were on and his new found favorite team, the Chicago Bears, were playing at that exact time. He would at least be able to see his Bears up to halftime, and hopefully they would be ahead so he would not be stressed. Little did he know, that was not going to happen.

As he left his apartment, he was in good spirits...his Bears were up at halftime 21-14. He noticed he had a little more spring in his step as he got out of his and walked up to the theater where he would try for the role of Norman, the nebbish loser who (possibly) gets killed by a street gang. He made his choices and showed them what he could do. They even asked him to try it a different way, which, in the back of his mind, was a good thing. He took the direction, thanked them for calling him in and hurried home to see how the game ended.

As he walked in the door and turned on the TV, he knew it was going to be a good day. His Bears were jumping up and down and cheering. They had pulled out the win in overtime by a score of 27-24. Now if only they can get by New Orleans next week, they will be back in the Superbowl once again.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 51)

The "Glass" Eye

Spence Photography has been going pretty stong. Along with the headshots that Robin and I take of actors, I have also been hired as the resident photographer at Theatre Palisades here in Southern California. I took some photos yesterday of the up-coming theater production "The Glass Menagerie" and thought I would share some of them with you. Enjoy.

Strep Yourself In, It's Going To Be A Long Week

Have I ever mentioned how lucky Robin is to have me? Let me just say that I know how to take care of her. Example? Sure.

Tuesday, she woke up and said she wasn't feeling that good, but, like always, I could not convince her to stay in bed and take the day off of work. I know when I have a fever of 98.7, it usually takes a herd of wild horses to get me out of bed, but Robin always gives me an Advil and tells me to suck it up.

That day at work, I could tell she was hurting and once we got home, things started to heat up. She laid on the couch and took her temperature...99 point something. I knew we were in trouble since her temperature is usually a degree below normal on a daily basis. I gave her some water and some Advil (I'd learned from the best), but a half hour later her temperature was 102.4, which triggered me to worry. I thought to myself "she is going to burn the apartment down and I don't even have a working fire extinguisher". That's it, I will buy a fire extinguisher and use it on Robin. I grabbed the car keys and started for the door when Robin said we should call our doctor and maybe he could diagnose her over the phone. I put down my keys and gave the number to UrgentCare to Robin, upset that in my 38 years I still have yet to use a fire extinguisher. Don't they look like they would be fun?

Anyway, she called the doctor and he asked her if she had any spots on the back of her throat. She wasn't feeling the best, so she asked me to look. I didn't see any spots but I think her back Molar looked a little impacted, so I handed the flashlight back to Robin and went into my tool chest to get my pliers. That Molar was coming out tonight.

She took the flashlight and went to the mirror where she noticed she actually did have spots on the back of the throat (but she did miss the impacted Molar). The doctor informed her that she had Strep Throat and that she needed to start antibiotics immediately. She wondered if I needed any medication to prevent me getting Strep, too. I told her that if the doctor could prescribe Cialis, Zoloft and Olanzapine to me, that would be great. The doctor didn't seem to think I was in any danger living with what could only be described as a forest fire at the Braille Institute, so he prescribed Doxycycline for only Robin...I hate my HMO.

So I go to the local CVS Pharmacy, pick up 20 blue pills for my wife and head home. When I arrive, my wife is laying on the couch laughing. She has such a cute laugh that I can't help but start laughing with her. We laughed and laughed and laughed for about 5 minutes when I realized that she was actually crying. I guess she felt terrible and couldn't help herself. I laughed for about 10 more minutes, dried my own eyes and proceeded to take care of my sick wife for the rest of the night.

Yes, my wife...one lucky lady indeed.

A Working Actor's Lament (Chapter 50)

Santa Claus Isn't Related To Santa Barbara?

I think Santa was a little upset about my Christmas letter to him last month. Just when I thought he would give me a belated gift, he closes up his gift bag, climbs back up the chimney and dashes away on his sleigh leaving me to clean up after his reindeer. I received the following email from the Santa Barbara International Film Festival today:

Dear Sean Spence-

Thank you for your patience, and thank you so much for your submission to the 22nd Santa Barbara International Film Festival. Because we had nearly 2500 entries, we were not able to fit all the wonderful films that we received into our schedule; we regret that we were unable to include Lucidity. Best of luck with it though, and I hope to see your future films.

Best wishes,

Mike “Tak” Takeuchi
Programming Manager
Santa Barbara International Film Festival

Well, Santa, this is not over. I have a couple of letters out to Cupid and Marshmellow McBunny (or at least that is what this site says the Easter Bunny's name is), so hopefully they will give me some better luck. Not like we haven't had any luck with submitting the short film. "Lucidity" has been accepted into two out of nine festivals, which is 22% (well above the 4% that is the norm, or so I am told). So Cupie and MM, I am counting on you guys now...don't make me ask Stingy O'Farrell, the Holiday Leprechaun

In all seriousness, I beleive that in 2007 things are really going to happen for me. Whether it is with this film or not, I just have this feeling, so I will keep everyone posted. And I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading my blogs and sending their support. I have the best fans. :o)